*This should have been published a few weeks ago. Like all mommies of infants I’m still running on baby time so things have been a little hit and miss – my apologies to my regular readers. I’d say it won’t happen again – but it probably will….

She’s radiant.

You can see the love in her face.

It’s her day! At last!

And here I am trying not to ruin it day by blowing snot out my nose laughing at the tongue-tied priest. He reminds me of the Bishop in the Princess Bride – the one that starts everything with “mawwiage”. He’s standing right in front of me. I just about lose it when he starts to drool.

Think. Think. Think. There has to be something to get my mind off of this!

My mind runs over the words I plan to say at the reception.

I’m going to have to introduce myself and explain how Jenn and I met. I think I’m the only bridesmaid that no one has met before.

How do I explain that we bonded over mispronounced French words without making us sound like a couple of hyenas?

I’ll just tell them about the military family. How we meet in the strangest places, under the weirdest circumstances and somehow make each other stronger when our “real” families can’t be there. I wonder if they’ll understand.

I wonder if they’ll understand how much this chick has meant to me, and my little family over the last 18 months or so.

I wonder if they’ll understand how much I leaned on her when Rick was in the desert and I was alone. How she was there every time I called or needed her. How she dropped everything on her baby’s first birthday because I was in the hospital with my boy when he bruised his liver and needed help managing Kate.

I look over towards Jenn and her groom. She’s glowing. I’m so happy for her.

She’s spent the last several months planning this day practically alone. I’ve been a voice at the other end of the phone – but really haven’t helped much. I feel guilty about that and have told her several times. She’s pooh poohed away my guilt – telling me she knows what life with a newborn is like and wants me standing there with her regardless of how much (or how little) I’ve helped.
I’m very fortunate to have a friend like her.

It’s got to be at least a hundred degrees in the church. My legs are soaked beneath the satin gown. Jenn has somehow managed not to wilt. I only hope I’m holding up half so well.

I glance at the priest again – he sweating through his over robes and still talking! My eyes are drawn to an enormous bead of sweat rolling down the tip of his nose. How is it he doesn’t feel that and wipe it away?

I need to tell them that this bride has the biggest heart. That she’s the most generous person I’ve met in a long time. That her strength and her friendship and her sense of humour have held me together more times than I can count. Will they understand?

We all step forward to witness the vows. I wait for Jenn to cry. She’s been waiting for Ryan to say these words to her for a long time. I’m crying for her. She manages to hold it together pretty well and get through it with just a bit of nervous laughter. I’m so proud of her.

I don’t remember walking back down the aisle with Stevie, the groomsman. I think I was channelling some of the euphoria the bride was feeling.

The rest of the day passes in a hot and sweaty and happy blur. I keep thinking that I should hide away to pump some breast milk before I explode but the opportunity never really presents itself. Thank goodness I’ve doubled up on the nursing pads.

I hear the speeches and Marjorie, another bridesmaid acting as the emcee, announces that the mic is open for anyone else to say a few words. This is my opportunity. I just need to get up and walk maybe 10 feet.

I don’t.

I’m not shy or anything. I’ve given speeches in front of strangers before. I have my notes. I even have a joke about the time Jenn asked the French teacher how to say jackass.

But I don’t get up.

I can’t.

I’ve managed to leak through my dress.

So I sit at the head table looking like the world’s sloppiest drinker – hopefully people will think that’s what it is.

And my words go unsaid.

Until now.

“I love you, Jenn. I am proud to be your friend. You’ve held me together for the last year and a half with gun tape and love and I am so thankful for everything you’ve done. Sometimes blood has nothing to do with family – and this is one of those times.

I wish you and Ryan and Angelena a lifetime of love and happiness, mixed with a little passion and craziness. And in fifty years I hope to be here with my new orthopaedic hip celebrating with you again.”

Jennifer Nemeth and Ryan MacArthur August 22nd 2009.