Welcome to the Madness

It’s been a busy week.

Well, I’ve been on the go a lot – can’t really say I’ve accomplished much.

Things seem to be happening for the better. I’ve got that anticipatory feeling that you almost don’t want to breathe for fear that it’ll disappear.

The MFRC came through, thanks Shelly, and the home care company is sending over a lady to meet us.

I’ve cleaned the house twice. I know I’m not supposed to be this nervous. If she doesn’t work out they’ll send someone else. But it’s always like this when I meet someone who is going to work with Kate.

I brush her hair and whisper to her about who’s coming and what they’re going to be doing here. I pray she doesn’t act out. I don’t know why I always feel like we’re going to be rejected when it comes to things like this. My stomach is doing flips. Please like us.

Kate squeals from her perch staring out the window. She’s here. Liam makes it to the door before I do. Terra and Scrunch run past his legs. I run to call them back. I hope she’s not afraid.

Dogs barking, me yelling at one, Liam yelling at the other, Kate squealing – oh yeah we’re making a great impression. “Please see through this madness,” I think in her general direction. “We’re really not that bad.”

Kate takes to her right away. She holds her hand and brings her some things. She even hides her purse. One issue out of the way. Kate likes her. I was worried about that, because Kate is a person who either likes you or she doesn’t. And if she doesn’t – then watch out!

We talk about expectations, availabilities, cancellation policies, and I’m watching. Watching for the fear that so many people have shown when Katie is near. If she exhibits fear then she’s not the one for us.

I used to only be able to see the fear in children. But since Katie has grown I now see it in adults and it saddens me.

It’s not there! I expel a long breath. Issue two – check.

I’ve not had respite for so long that when she asked me about schedules I look at her dumbfounded, madly scrambling to come up with somewhere to go, something to do. I guess it really has been a long time since I had time to myself.

We’ve decided that she’ll come on Tuesdays. That way I can go to deployment coffee breaks, or shopping, or to see my friends. Is it wrong to be this excited about two hours to myself?

I can’t wait to tell Rick. I can’t wait for next Tuesday. Day 42.