Stealing time....

This week has been hard.

I’ve felt like a helium balloon. Slowly deflating from its festive best into a sad shape hovering near the floor.

I’m going through the motions. Sort of “phoning it in”. Getting up. Getting the kids off to school and then I blink and I’m getting them off the bus. Nothing accomplished in between.

I didn’t think the week after would be so lonely.

I thought I’d have a few days of weepiness followed by the whole “get back on your horse” type of thing. And I’m trying. I really am. But I’m still on the ground.

I’ve got some fantastic friends who call and check on me. I don’t think they realize how much I draw on their strength.

Rick calls every day. I’m grateful for that. His voice is my link to myself at this point.

I need something to give me a shake. If my mother were here she’d smack me and tell me to get on with it she’d incite me to anger and that would be better than this numbing feeling. But she’s not. So I remain the same.

I’m watching everyone get ready for the holidays. Hearing about their trees, their presents, their decorations. Seeing their lights. Their preparations are all but complete. Mine haven’t been thought about.

A favourite teacher of mine used to say, “procrastination is the thief of time.” Well I’m the willing accomplice this week. Let the time go. Let the holidays pass and let me crawl under the covers until spring.


Day 98