Bear Envy

“You must be counting down the days now. How many more weeks?”

“Ummm – I don’t know.”

I’d like to say that we’re past the halfway point and I suppose we probably are – but with no firm return dates we’re sort of left drifting in the wind.

I’d like to be counting down. Doing the whole five-minutes-to-midnight-in-Times-Square thing – but I don’t know what number to start counting down from. So I continue to count up.

We’re guessing April. We’re hoping for April. Liam’s birthday is in April and, believe me, it would be his best present if his daddy were home for it.

Sooner would be nicer. Tomorrow would be good. Today even better.

But I don’t know.

I don’t know when he’ll be here. I don’t know when we’ll get to be a whole family again. All I know is that it can’t come soon enough for me. Or for the kids either.

January has to be the most depressing month of the year. The holidays are over. The temperatures drop and it’s dark before supper.

I think the bears have it right. Hibernate through it all. Let the wind blow and the snow fall and stay warm and dry and sleep through the works of it. If only I were a bear…

Trying to stay positive has taken its toll on me. I’m shorter with the kids than I want to be and my patience is worn threadbare. I found myself the other day getting on my own nerves. I try to remember to stop and take a breath but sometimes it isn’t possible and I make already emotionally charged situations worse.

I am in contact with Rick almost daily. He’s missing us as much as we’re missing him and all I want to do is reach through the computer screen and put my arms around him. If only it were that easy. But it’s not and I must pull up my big girl panties and get on with it.

The lady that Rick traded HLTAs with is home. He’s sent something with her for me and as I drive over to her house my emotions are all jumbled – he would be home right now had he not traded his leave. But we’ve had our time together and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He’s sent me a drawing. An artist took our wedding picture and turned it into a beautiful piece of art. I suck in air trying hard not to cry in front of Rick’s colleague and her family. It’s gorgeous and I am once again reminded why I love my husband.

Come on spring. Day 147.