All For Love

Valentines Day.

Or as my decidedly unromantic father would say: “Another holiday dreamed up by Hallmark.”

We don’t have plans.

I’m afraid to make plans to do much of anything lately.

Katie’s seizures are worse. More frequent. More intense.

Four out of five days, it seems she just gets to school and the phone is ringing because she’s seizing.

From a parent’s perspective it’s like walking a tightrope. Every second I’m on edge. Waiting. Worrying.

On Friday morning alone she had five seizures. No, that’s not a typo, you read correctly – five.

The new drugs she’s on obviously aren’t working.

But here’s the kicker.

The neurologist hasn’t returned my phone calls. And neither her paediatrician, nor our family doctor will alter medications prescribed by a neurologist.

So what do I do?

I’m not an uneducated woman. I know the damage that multiple seizures are causing. I know that, if left unchecked, my daughter could die.

I want to scream.

I can’t help her. She looks at sometimes like she’s begging me to fix it.

But I’m powerless.

All I can do is wait. Keep her calm. Let her rest.

Rick is phenomenal. My strength when I have none.

Physical proof that a families are forged with love as much as they ever could be with blood.

Kate has made it through today.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I’m afraid to hope.