Thanksgiving.
I wasn’t prepared to feel this lonely today.
Usually I’ve got a house full of people laughing, playing cards, cooking, eating and yelling to be heard over each other. This year…..well this year I don’t.
I started the day determined to make it as special as possible. As the kids eat their cereal I make apple pies. I realize I’m concentrating too hard on blocking out my feelings when Liam yells at me “Mom! Look at me, will ya?” From his tone I guess he’s been calling to me for a while.
I don’t dare look in his direction. The tears are still welled up in my eyes. I’m thinking of the times when holidays meant our family crossed the street and celebrated together.
But home now is where the army sends us. I don’t even know my neighbours.
“Strap it on, woman”, I think. “They can’t see you like this.”
“Yeah Buddy, what do you need?” I respond.
“Will Daddy have turkey and pie in Ganistan?” It’s the closest he can come to saying the name of the country.
“I think so, Dude.”
“That’s good.”
The dog noses the back of my knee. I can still smell the faint whiff of skunk. I sigh. I hope the smell doesn’t spoil the turkey dinner.
Turkey. For me and two kids. The dogs are going to eat well tonight.
The pies are done. Crust crispy and golden. I don’t have my mother’s knack – but they’re passable.
I try to pull a Pollyanna – think about the positives. It’s harder than I thought.
I reach for the phone and then decide I don’t want to drag down anyone’s mood and set it back it its cradle.
It scares me that I feel like this on Thanksgiving. Especially in the daytime. Especially when I’m busy.
If I feel like this now – how am I supposed to make it through Christmas? Day 52.
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3 comments:
A acquaintance and myself were talking once. He's a jerk actually but on this occasion he actually said something that up to that point I had not heard and to this day it sticks with me. He said, "Think of an elephant. Their Huge!! How could you ever eat a whole frigging elephant? They massive.," I just stared not know what the hell he was talking about. He looked at me and said simply, "Same way you eat everything else man, one bite at a time. " Might be rough but ya do it the same way just one bite at a time."
Not real comforting I know, but this is just another day, another bite, and with every one, your closer to being done with the elephant. Keep the faith.
Happy thanksgiving girl. Our prayers are with you and your family. Do the best you can and keep your chin up!!!!
For future reference, no matter the time. Call us. You are not bringing us down. That's are what friends are for, to bring the down's up.
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