Lord - If You're listening - give me strenth.

I’m on a beach. Rick is there. The kids are building sandcastles. Holden has buried Liam to his neck in sand and I hear the radio.

Why am I hearing the radio?

I fight the foggy sleepy brain syndrome and realize it’s the alarm. The kids are going back to school today – YIPPEE!!!

Kate doesn’t want to get up. Typical teenager. But I get her dressed and ready and when she sees her book bag she gets her boots on herself – she loves school.

As I’m making her breakfast I call the 106.9, the local radio station. It’s Holden’s birthday and I want to make sure it’s on the birthday list from his Dad. As a bonus he’s chosen as the day’s winner of the DQ birthday ice cream cake! YAY!!

So far today is looking good…

Katie’s bus backs in the driveway and she’s chomping at the bit to get out of the house. I hold her back until the bus stops and then let her go. She whoops and squeals and dances all the way to the bus. She’s so excited! Another YAY!!

I call Holden and sing the Blues Clues Birthday Song loudly and off key to him. If he wasn’t awake before – he sure is now.

About 20 minutes later Liam is dressed and eating his cereal explaining to me the difference between Bakugaun and Pokemon. I’m stirring my tea and pretending to listen and the phone rings. It’s Katie’s school. Apparently she’s not walking.

I know that sometimes she gets clumsy when she’s silly and excited but they don’t think that’s the problem. They’re going to talk with the person who was with her and call me back.

Only a few minutes go by and the phone rings again. Katie has blacked out and has face planted. She’s awake now but very different. And they want me to come. Liam’s bus will be here in 10 minutes – I’ll leave the second he gets on the bus.

My heart is beating out of my body.

I put a very happy girl on the bus. What the heck is happening?

I know I’m speeding. If a cop comes along he’ll just have to escort me and ticket me when I get to my girl. I bite my lip and my right foot goes down a little harder.

I pull into the school – the office staff doesn’t know what’s happening. I head up the hallway in search of my kid.

She’s in the special needs washroom at the end of the hall. Two T.A.s are with her. She’s sitting up but her skin is the most ungodly colour I’ve seen.

No smiles for me. No reaction to me at all.

They explain what happened. I ask a few questions. I need to get my girl to the doctor. I’m so scared. “Please give me strength.”

Cathy helps me get Kate to the car. If she won’t walk into the emergency room when we get there I’m not sure how I’ll manage to get her in. I push that thought from my mind. “There’ll be a way. Just get to the doctor.”

We only wait seconds to get in. I can feel the daggers in my back as the other patients give us dirty looks. I feel like slapping them. I need to get more under control.

Kate is starting to make some sounds now.

Her colour is slightly better. They check her blood sugar, urine, ears, heart, throat and Lord knows what else. Everything seems fine.

“Nothing strenuous. Let her rest when she wants to. She’s had a grand Mal seizure.”

I blanch.

She was diagnosed with epilepsy two years ago. She’s on medications to stop petit mal seizures. We just increased her dosage. This is wrong. Something is wrong. I blink quickly to get the tears out of my eyes.

A wave of nausea passes over me.

I’m not sure I can handle more of this.

I need Rick.

Day 136